To you this seems like so much fun...I wish I could be in quiet solitude
But I cant because I somehow managed to hurt you
Now I have to face the flame
I cringe when you harshly call my name
I turn to you, hoping I wont have to go through this
But I'm sure you're in complete bliss
You yell at me until you feel the burn in your lungs
To you, this seems like so much fun
I feel tears roll down my cheeks
I feel my knees getting weak
Why wont you just shut up and leave me alone?
I get enough of this at home
I take the bruises, I take the pain
But one thing I wont take is the blame
You cant put your burdens on my shoulder
If you do, you're the one who is the failure
It may not come back to you, all the things you say
But in the end, I promise, you're going to pay
All I wantToday my tears burned my eyes again
All I wanted was to be happy again
All I wanted was to be whole again
I dont want to cry anymore
I dont want to hate anymore
I need a hug
I need some encouragement
I need some love
I need a knife
A gun, some pills, a rope, a high cliff
Maybe a car with the keys in the ignition
Inside a closed off garage
No, that's not what I need
I need my concious back
The voice of right and wrong
I want my life back
I want my love back
I want to be able to believe in myself
That's all I want
Silence and LonelinessI am so desperate
I'm not in this world
Or any other world I have ever known
I'm stuck inside
My dark and twisted mind
And I realize how merciless
Loneliness can be
But who is there to talk to?
I just talk to myself
inside my head
My mind is always telling me
Take the easy way out
And my dreams arent worth it
And I am worthless
That is what I fight every single day
I feel so desperate
I am so disconnected
I have retreated inside
My twisted mind
And I realize how worthless I am
and I realize how friendly
Silence can be
But sometimes with silence
It doesnt bring you peace
it brings back every painful memory
And so disconnected
I'm trying to find a way out
A way out of this silence and misery
With each passing day
I'm going further into insanity!
Get me out of this agony!!!
I guess I'll take the easy way out
Show me the door....
I Told You SoPromise my life security
Promise me everlasting peace
Promise me you'll leave me be
Promise me you won't break this promise you're making
Thought you could keep a promise huh?
You tell me you tried so hard
The you fought so hard
Fought the urge to bring me down
You say you have never tried so hard at anything before in you life
You promise me you'll really change this time
Just one more second chance
But I know you better than that
You say that you'll listen but you're just deaf to everyone
You tell me that you really want to change
Oh no. You'll never truly change
You'll always bring people down
I won't stick around for you to pick on
One day, I'll just fade away
My existance won't even be so much as a memory
But I'll be paying attention
I'll stick around, invisible as a ghost
You say you'll prove it. You ask me to hold you to it
Oh I will
I will hold you to that promise with such devotion
I'll be watching you after I fade away
I'm sure you'll keep your promise
But you won't last a si
So much more aware
so OUT OF CONTROL!
I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO END!
My life is...My life is something wrong
Your life is something cold
His life is something prideful
Her life is something material
My life is something dysfunctional
Your life is something unconstitutional
Your life s something blinded
His and her life is empty minded
My life has been something….
Something is missing from me
NumbnessI've become so numb
Colder than ice, more painful than fire
I've lost sight of the future
All my tears have blinded me
Sometimes, I don't know why I'm sad
I just know that there's something in me that isn't right
I know that there may be my worst fear around the corner
So I sit and wait until night swallows me and my fears become reality
I've become so numb
Numb to pain, numb to anger, to hurt, to sadness
I've grown so accustom to it
It's probably not my fault that I'm feeling this way
Nor is it anyone else's fault
No one is really responsible here
I've become so numb
I can't take too much more
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
Question is, do I run away from it?
Live life a little more?
Or do I run towards it?
Ending this cold numbness…
If You Decide to Be SilentIf You Decide To Be Silent
If you choose to be silent
The world collapses on me
If you decide to say nothing
Their words hurt me more
Their words hurt anyway
So what does it matter?
But if you chose to be silent
Think about what might happen to me.
I have a whole bottle of pills I could gulp down
My brother has a pistol in his sock drawer
Many times have I taken it out, stared at it, and realized I didn't know how to use a gun
If ending life this way isn't the answer
Then what is?
I can talk to people for my entire lifetime
What can they say to ease the pain?
I chose to be silent anyway.
It doesn't matter what I say
They wont shut up and leave me alone
But an outside voice can stop their piercing words, even just for a little while
I might find refuge, a place to hide
Just maybe, the thought of that bottle of pills and that pistol
Might just vanish from mind .
What Is Love?What is Love?
Cold. Just plain cold
Does my heart beat still?
Or has all this pain silenced it for the rest of time?
I'm not exactly sure.
Some one said, " a heart full of love."
That word. What is it?
It's unfamiliar to me.
What is Love?
What is Affection?
What is Compassion?
What is Sympathy, Empathy, Comfort?
Those words are too unfamiliar to me
All the words that have been said to me
Have told me of a world of darkness, despair and outright hatred
All these words, those words that seem warm
What are they?
Dark, blood, shame, depression
Those are words that I know on a personal level.
They're cold words, words that bring me down every time
They're like old 'friends' I see every day
Happier words; smile, laugh, love, friendship, love, relationships, love.
To hell with them.
What is love? Where can I find it in a world where everyone is against me?
Where is love? In that dead, silent heart of mine?
That's a laugh.
People try to bring me out of my black spot.
But I'm too used to b