So much more aware
so OUT OF CONTROL!
I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO END!
My life is...My life is something wrong
Your life is something cold
His life is something prideful
Her life is something material
My life is something dysfunctional
Your life is something unconstitutional
Your life s something blinded
His and her life is empty minded
My life has been something….
Something is missing from me
NumbnessI've become so numb
Colder than ice, more painful than fire
I've lost sight of the future
All my tears have blinded me
Sometimes, I don't know why I'm sad
I just know that there's something in me that isn't right
I know that there may be my worst fear around the corner
So I sit and wait until night swallows me and my fears become reality
I've become so numb
Numb to pain, numb to anger, to hurt, to sadness
I've grown so accustom to it
It's probably not my fault that I'm feeling this way
Nor is it anyone else's fault
No one is really responsible here
I've become so numb
I can't take too much more
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
Question is, do I run away from it?
Live life a little more?
Or do I run towards it?
Ending this cold numbness…
If You Decide to Be SilentIf You Decide To Be Silent
If you choose to be silent
The world collapses on me
If you decide to say nothing
Their words hurt me more
Their words hurt anyway
So what does it matter?
But if you chose to be silent
Think about what might happen to me.
I have a whole bottle of pills I could gulp down
My brother has a pistol in his sock drawer
Many times have I taken it out, stared at it, and realized I didn't know how to use a gun
If ending life this way isn't the answer
Then what is?
I can talk to people for my entire lifetime
What can they say to ease the pain?
I chose to be silent anyway.
It doesn't matter what I say
They wont shut up and leave me alone
But an outside voice can stop their piercing words, even just for a little while
I might find refuge, a place to hide
Just maybe, the thought of that bottle of pills and that pistol
Might just vanish from mind .
What Is Love?What is Love?
Cold. Just plain cold
Does my heart beat still?
Or has all this pain silenced it for the rest of time?
I'm not exactly sure.
Some one said, " a heart full of love."
That word. What is it?
It's unfamiliar to me.
What is Love?
What is Affection?
What is Compassion?
What is Sympathy, Empathy, Comfort?
Those words are too unfamiliar to me
All the words that have been said to me
Have told me of a world of darkness, despair and outright hatred
All these words, those words that seem warm
What are they?
Dark, blood, shame, depression
Those are words that I know on a personal level.
They're cold words, words that bring me down every time
They're like old 'friends' I see every day
Happier words; smile, laugh, love, friendship, love, relationships, love.
To hell with them.
What is love? Where can I find it in a world where everyone is against me?
Where is love? In that dead, silent heart of mine?
That's a laugh.
People try to bring me out of my black spot.
But I'm too used to b
Break The MirrorBreak The Mirror
Ever since I could remember, I've been teased
Harassed, ridiculed, pushed around
Every word, sharp as a knife
Cutting through my skin
Lodging in my heart
And with each word they said to me
I began to believe it
I used to hate mirrors
It was all because of the insecurities
Pinned on me by those taunting words
I would look in a mirror
And would see an ugly, unimportant, bloody nobody
I would hear voices
Those taunting voices in my head
They wouldn't stop until I turned away
And accepted it
Then one day, those same old voices in my head
Pushed me over the edge
I had enough
And I broke the mirror
What I found was interesting
In the broken pieces on the mirror
I didn't find someone who was shattered
I found someone who was complete
With every piece in their correct place
If you feel unimportant, worth nothing, ugly, etc,
Do yourself a favor
Next time you're in front of a mirror,
Look deep into your own eyes
Say, "Those are all lies. All lies just to bring me down."